Things to awaken inspiration when it fails me, or when I simply need to be reminded it's still there...

Do a quick stretch to get the blood flowing. Get up and walk somewhere, preferably outside. Turn on some latin flava music and rock some mambo! Turn on some upbeat music and just dance or sing loudly. Pull up oneword.com and write. Grab a pen and paper and just write. Deep breaths, close eyes, be still and quiet. Call a supportive friend. Text someone I've been missing. Write a random card or letter and throw it in the mail. Throw away things I don't need--cleanse the living space (there is a particular de-thinging cleanse I recently heard about that has you throw away or donate or give away--essentially get rid of--20-something things each day for 20-something days). Straighten up or clean a small area. Choose a random friend on fb and send a happy or inspiring message. Call mom or dad or grandma. Finish projects for people I love--grandma's wedding album, mom and dad's wedding album, Chrissy's photo album, Chrissy's 311 cd's I've been trying to remember to finish and send for 3 years. Make a bunch of mini paper cranes and give them out at random. Say hello to someone you've never seen before. Make someone else smile or laugh. High five people in the halls. Hug someone you haven't in a while. Write thankyou letters to people who have influenced, inspired, or helped you in your life. Make a vision board, for real.

I am going to make a bunch of mini paper cranes tonight and gift them out in the halls tomorrow! I will let you know how it goes!

Small steps and LOVE

What am I doing well?

• Struggling my way through this career change, life change, dream focused PROCESS, which proves to be quite difficult and exhausting, frankly, most of the time. But I keep working through it. For the first time in a very long time--perhaps EVER--I am not running away. I am not making excuses. I am not ignoring the voice grating in the back of my mind. I am listening to my heart-song, my true spirit. And no matter how hard it is or becomes, I'm happy that I keep showing up each day, committed to myself.
• Making a decision and COMMITTING to it. Each time I'm faced with an obstacle, a judgement, a question, a fear, I stand my ground. I am making this commitment to start making movement and choices based on what I need. ME. Not anyone else. And through this seeming selfishness, I KNOW I will be able to be far more generous than I've ever been.
• I have made movement (dancing specifically) a part of my weekly routine. Most of the time, and when my ABC schedule allows, it is a daily part of my life. I like to call it part of my daily practice. I love this word and concept of PRACTICE--my dance practice, my yoga practice, my writing practice, my dreaming practice, my PRACTICE of the various realms in my existence. This negates the concept of perfection, which has blocked me for so long. They always say "practice makes perfect," but I like this: practice IS perfect. And although I feel like I'm hitting a familiar wall in my dancing (where I can't get out of my head and into my body, where my worries about not being good enough or capable enough start to impede my progress and JOY), I keep showing up. To practice.
• Although I'm my worst critic, and I know I could always do more and be better at teaching, at directing, at at at...I do think that I've done some good with these high schoolers, and I've enjoyed my time with them. When I am with them in the classroom debating or discussing issues, when I am with them on the stage working through a scene or a piece of choreography, when I'm chatting with them in the workroom, the cafe, the hallway, or where ever, I feel alive. They have touched me. In many ways, they've inspired me to be bold in this new decision. They've reminded me of that unbridled passion and optimism I once had--that I still have though it's been muted or dulled by the "real" world.
• The Glastonbury A Better Chance program. Period.

Lizzard.

You tore yourself from an established existence so you could open up a whole world of possibilities. You took small step after small step to make this big leap. You committed to yourself, too. And look at all of the rewards so far.... you are kicking ass at school (and even when you dug yourself into a hole, because of a professionally based opportunity mind you, you took small step after small step to regain your ground). You have found yourself a good man, who seemed to drop in your lap when you least expected it, when you were making all sorts of decisions for yourself and not looking for love at all (coincidence? I think not). You are maintaining long distance relationships with your family, learning how to navigate this new "adult" space we are all growing into. You are focused on a degree, but more than that, you are are consciously approaching the material from an angle of interest that you've developed over the years--you are actively finding a way to meld your loves together into one so that one day you can create the job, the life you always dreamed of. As difficult as it may seem day to day, you are right where you should be: you write your blogs, you write your papers, you learn your shit, you are supporting the people in your life, and you are doing all that while living your life. I am so so proud of you!

B.

You are incredibly hard on yourself. I know that so well--we have the same DNA--but you're not giving yourself nearly enough credit. Ultimately, you DO show up. You are a good brother, son, cousin, friend. You are a GOOD MAN, and that is so hard to come by. I couldn't be more proud to know you, not only as a sibling but as a person. You are one of my best friends and you are an inspiration. You have been making choices and living your life the way you want to for as long as I can remember, making no apologies or excuses. You discovered what your artistic love was early on and you pursued it, boldly and passionately. You committed to playing so much that you walked away from basketball in high school, and while I know you wished you were part of that championship team, you did something that few teenagers are able to do: know what they want so much to make hard choices and KEEP making hard choices into adulthood. I admire that so much. And now...you are actually living it. You are playing and making and loving music and the community that comes out of it. I think you are at a BEAUTIFUL place right now, fraught with possibility and CHANGE. If you, your band, your friends, stay focused on what you want and take small step after small step toward your goal, I know you will make it to that summer tour (and many other tours) that you are seeing in your dreams.

To both of you--I love you forever. I am so thankful for the two of you and this dream we are fertilizing. Thank you for putting up with my madness and emotions lately (and always, because I know I am an emotional creature by nature). Thank you for sharing a dream with me, and helping me believe that it WILL actually come true. We are making it come true every day.

Small step by small step.

As far as support goes, let's keep doing THIS. And if ever, whenever, the inspiration strikes, let's try to shoot quick emails, texts, or posts on this blog, no matter how short or random. It will keep our attention coming back to this space--even if only for a moment--as we navigate the day to day.

Listing our goods

What is it that I am doing well?

This is a difficult one as I am apt to say, "You suck!! You are a lazy sac o' shit and never do enough!!"

Well that might be a bit over-dramatic but it holds a lot of truth.
I don't do enough.

But I guess I've done two things...

I am creating music consistently.
I am knitting my way into the artistic community in the Allston/Brighton/Cambridge area through the shows I play and the peeps I meet at them, the people I chat and hang with in between practices at New Alliance...


I don't know...otherwise I feel like I've been a sham to this whole thing. I have a lot of words I can say but when it comes down to it, I don't really get shit done.
I've casually slid through life and I think it's starting to come back to bite me in the ass. I get by and expect everything to be ok. But it isn't. Expecting it to only makes it worse. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK it!

You ever feel like your suspended in mid-air? Not knowing when you'll start falling or if the ground will re-appear? Just complete blank unknowing? I get that...not always, but I fucking get it. And I hate it, but I fucking swallow it down and don't do enough about it. I just feel like I'm becoming more and more of a prick. Just a fucking ass-hole.

Why, WHy, WHY.
cause i'm fucking hungry!

Liz -

Your are immersing yourself in the world of helping people. Your are taking control and going down the road you've been talking about for a while. You are in the shit and you're tearing it up! You are being sought after by your superiors because they see that special gift you have. The gift of understanding people. Understanding and piecing together fragmented minds that need guidance. You are doing all of this so well in a completely new place, far away from your home, your fam(the immediate one), your man and your long time friends all the while in the midst of a ridiculous living situation that screams reality television! You are taking the steps you need to because you need to and you're not letting anyone get in your way. I couldn't be prouder of you because you're dooooinnn iit Lizzzy! AAaannnnddd you're playing softball! Who doesn't love softball?!

Tina-

I am so sorry that I have been missing from your life these past few whatevers. I have let time and space take a stranglehold of our relationship. I let my guard down and didn't even know. The problem is I should have known...I should have provided you with way more brotherness. Welcome to Ian being a douche.

You are doing everything you should be right now and you're doing it in the face of intense opposition. You are dancing again. You are searching for a new job. You are actively seeking out artistic performance and as always you are directing High School musicals. This while putting so much energy into being one of the best English teachers ever to grace Glastonbury Public School system and being a surrogate mother to a house of boys I know wouldn't trade you for anyone. You are the most bubbly, expressive, loving, warm, intense, passionate, focused person I've ever known.
You are doing so many things to better yourself and put yourself in the place you've envisioned right now. I don't know how you do it. But you do. and you've been proactively taking the reins of our space as it stands today. And I'm glad you did.


So these aren't exactly lists but I just straight up think you guys are killing it right now. Like seriously. Soooo good. Soooo right on. You both are really all the inspiration I should ever need.

How we are to get to that place. The space.

Life in the the day to day seems to get bogged down or shall I say
bogs people down.

Not all the time, but there sure is something to be said about getting too consumed with the go-go bustle of typical work days.

The way that many cope with this is through their dreams.
The future they see for themselves that makes them smile.
These dreams are what we feel is important.

When I think of my future, I see things relatively clearly.
I want to write and perform music.
That is my base, my foundation, my rock.
There is much more to it than that but it all stems from this
root.

Personally I need to perform in a summer festival tour of some sort
before my days are numbered. That is the ultimate! That is where I will be
the freest, happiest, Zenest me I can be! Those moments that I have playing in my head so vividly, of being on stage in front of thousands of people singing along to our music and jumping and running around in pure bliss. A community. A rock show is a community. When a great band interacts with the crowd through their music, a bond is formed and a community is born. Through each lyric sung together the band and audience become one living thing of absoluteness. Nothing but energy, happiness and sweat!!

Once I reach these goals with my music, I do see myself hunkering down and trying to build or help a community through the arts.

I envision a space that we would call our home. A place that can hold all of our ideas at once! A place where the people I want to be around will BE around most of the time! I want everyone to feel welcome. This place will be comfortable. It will be lively and fresh. It will be bubbling with creativity. I want to see painting happening while guests and friends are eating healthy meals or sipping tea and coffee, while a musician is serenading us with lovely tunes. I see a warehouse amount of space that has art studios, music studios, yoga studios etc. I see classes happening. Lots of things. Gardens. Growing. Making for a better life.
Creating a peaceful and sustainable life through our work is what I see and want. Make life better as we move forward toward the dreams we have.

What can we do to get to this fabulous place?
Welp... The final vision is pretty grandiose, so it all comes down to preperation.
The steps we can take, I can take, are basic.
I need to teach guitar lessons. Starting small by having one or two students for now, but this is part of the community I envision...having art and music available for all who want to be a part of it. So if I start teaching my art to others now, I am already better preparing for our future endeavors that will without a doubt involve teaching to those willing to learn.

I also need to keep getting further involved in the community that already exists at New Alliance. This is where Zip-Tie practices along with soo many other great bands. This is also where we and countless others have recorded albums and had them mastered. So many interesting people pass in and out of this place and I am lucky enough to be around it a few times a week. This is the perfect place to understand the way different artistic minds weave together to form a great community. It may even be a good place to showcase our talents or test our ideas....

The band and I have talked about even selling sandwiches in the building because we know bands want to eat. So that is another thing that could easily happen in the short term and would give us some small experience with some business venture of sorts..

thoughts. thoughts....

oh the thoughts.

the sun is not done yet.

but may be soon.